Planning for your estate is a crucial task, yet many of our aging parents find it emotionally challenging to start the process. Our mortality brings up a lot of complex emotions, and so it makes sense that the subject would be a difficult one to broach, especially with the people who raised you and took care of you for so long. Finding a compassionate estate planning attorney can be challenging, but with 30 years of experience, Lewman Law can help.
Some older parents believe that they don’t need an estate plan because they’re not old enough or don’t have significant assets to worry about. However, estate planning isn’t just about distributing wealth; it is also the place to make important medical decisions that preserve autonomy and quality of life. Regardless of age, everyone should have an estate plan to protect themselves and their loved ones.
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Be Gentle.
In particular though, it’s important that we know how to have compassionate conversations with our aging population, so that they feel supported and empowered to preserve their wealth and help their family’s future legacy, rather than overwhelmed by the morose affairs of death and money.
We put it bluntly because it’s that simple: Contemplating mortality can be uncomfortable, and as humans we like to avoid uncomfortable things whenever possible. Some folks go as far as to associate discussing death with hastening its arrival. However, the reality is that avoiding estate planning won’t prevent death, it only makes it more complicated. Estate planning involves legal documents, tax considerations, and family dynamics, so surely some people procrastinate because they perceive it as complex or overwhelming; but mostly it’s the whole avoiding-talking-about-death thing.
If you’re the loving child of an aging parent, here are some tips to help you ease into and navigate a conversation about speaking with an estate planning attorney that everyone will feel good about, when it’s over.
Initiate the Conversation Early
Start discussing estate planning with your parents sooner rather than later. While it might feel uncomfortable, it’s essential to communicate to them that you value their wishes and preferences, and want to honor those wishes after they are gone or are unable to advocate for themselves. Encourage open communication about their assets, healthcare preferences, and end-of-life decisions, and share your own with them too! This will go a long way towards opening the conversation, and removing any perceived power dynamics.
Remind Them Of Their Autonomy
Instead, remind them that they have the power to make choices about where their money goes when they are gone, and that you are glad to help them. Offer them privacy, too; tell them that you’re happy to help support making appointments and finding resources and that no one else but them and their estate planning attorney needs to know what is in their will. This may help to ease anxiety they may have about family conflicts.
Team Up With Other Family Members
Sometimes there’s power in numbers – but choose wisely. Enlist the help of your other siblings, cousins, or anyone whom your parents trust. This is not the time to bring in anyone who has a complicated relationship; imagine that you’re building a team of support, not a conflict-style intervention. You probably know exactly who not to invite. If your parents value their privacy, this might not be a helpful move, so be thoughtful.
As people age, they can experience a loss of independence and autonomy as their body and mind slow down. This can be pretty emotionally challenging, and so you’ll want to enter the conversation from a place of compassion and empowerment, and not control. For example, don’t say, “I need you to write a will, and then give it to me.”
Bring in the Professionals
Estate planning involves legal complexities. Encourage your elders to consult with an estate planning attorney. A professional can help create essential documents like wills, trusts, and advance healthcare directives. They’ll ensure everything aligns with your parent’s desires and state laws. If you’re in the Alameda area, we’d be honored to help.
Set Aside a Designated Time to Talk
It can be tempting to have these kinds of conversations during family get-togethers like holidays, since it’s so rare to be in the same place. Resist the urge; these kinds of conversations should have time set aside out of respect for the importance of the topics.
How to Help Prepare to Meet With an Estate Planning Attorney
After you’ve successfully had the conversation, it’s time to get ready for your meeting with us, so that it can be as fruitful and affordable as possible. The more you prepare, the smoother and faster ($!) things will be. IIt can be overwhelming to know what you need. Here’s a few things to discuss beforehand:
Document All Assets
Help your parent compile a comprehensive list of their assets. Include bank accounts, investments, real estate, insurance policies, and personal belongings. Knowing what they own simplifies the planning process.
Discuss Healthcare Decisions
Discuss healthcare preferences with them. Encourage them to create a durable power of attorney for healthcare. This document designates someone (usually you or another trusted family member) to make medical decisions if they become incapacitated.
Financial Power of Attorney
Different than a medical directive, this allows someone to manage their financial affairs if your parents become unable to do so. It’s crucial for paying bills, managing investments, and handling day-to-day finances.
Guardianship for Minor Children
In the rare case that your parent is the guardian of minor children (for example, raising your sibling’s child) discuss who would care for the child if something happened to your parent. Naming a guardian in their will ensures the children’s well-being.
Review any current beneficiary designations on retirement accounts, life insurance policies, and other assets. These designations override the will, so it’s important to keep them up to date.
We’d Love To Help
We know just how difficult it can be to have these conversations, and we are here to help however we can. It’s our greatest aspiration that choosing us as your estate planning attorney provides a little peace of mind, knowing that your loved one’s affairs are in order.Remember, estate planning isn’t just about finances; it’s about ensuring your parent’s legacy and well-being. By actively participating in this process, you’re supporting them in a very meaningful way, and making your future life a little easier, so you can concentrate on family when it’s time for that. Click here to get in touch, and schedule your consultation.
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